Dave's Not Dead

It is a bloody comfortable chair. I used to imagine sitting in it when it was behind Rodneys desk. I’m supposed to call him Mr.Crawford, but to be honest, he was kind of a wanker and he’ll always be a Rodney to me. Anyway, he’s dead now, along with pretty much everyone else I used to work with. You can really feel the lumbar support. Probably made in Germany or one of those Scandinavian countries. Better than the tat they make us sit on. Of course, ideally I’d be behind a desk right now, not hanging in, relative (given the circumstances) comfort fifty feet or so above the ground. Yeah, you get what you pay for. I’m fairly certain the fire-hose the chair is hanging from will give way before anything else does. As if in agreement, the hose complains audibly as I sway in the autumn breeze, knocking gently against the side of the buidling. The makeshift cradle consisting of the chair and said firehose isn’t particularly well engineered. Not that I’m complaining. It wasn’t my handiwork and I doubt I could have done any better under the circumstances. Only thing is, I’m not going anywhere. While silently contemplating my predicament, I remember the cereal bar I hastily stuffed into my pocket on my way out the door this morning. Whilst lacking any nutritional merit whatsoever I figure the sugar rush might at least lift my spirits a bit. [[Eat the cereal bar]] [[Don't eat the cereal bar]]

As I swing back over the growing mass of broken bodies below me, I slip myself from under the safety of the firehose and pull myself up onto the edge of the chair then, at the height of the swing, I launch myself awkwardly towards the skip below. Tumbling downwards I’m vaguely aware of a group of undead behind me impacting the now vacant chair. Hose giving way at last my airborne life raft plummets towards the unforgiving ground amidst a tangle of undead limbs. Time slows as I free fall through the carnage around me. For a second I convince myself that I’ve misjudged the leap, then suddenly, I touch down among the debris. I pat myself down for injuries but besides a few aches and pains I'm more or less unscathed. Just like in the movies. I scramble to the edge of the skip and peer over. What a fucking mess, the only thing not mangled and broken is my trusty chair. “Vorsprung durch technik” as they say i Germany. Happily, most of the shamblers on the street have been taken out by the downpour of undead lemmings. Result. But I didn’t have time to hang about and celebrate. I slip down from the skip and run quietly to the corner of the building. Across the road is the car park. My car is parked a couple of lots away, about as far from where I am as it’s possible to be. What can I say, I'm not a morning person. I pat my pocket feeling for my keys and find them still there along with my mobile phone. There are a few dozen undead milling about the parked cars. Close to the building entrance stand a couple of bicycles and a few abandoned e-scooters the kind that had recently infested the city and were used solely, it seemed to me, by sock-less, scarf wearing hipsters. I know that sound attracts the undead and I consider for a moment whether or not a bike might be a better option. Less protection, sure, but it doesn’t need fuel and can go places cars can’t. If I grab a bike I can get to my car faster, but I’m pretty confident I can sneak through the maze of undead cars if I keep my head down. [[Try for a bike]] [[Run for it]]

As I swing back over the growing mass of bodies below me, I slip myself from under the safety of the firehose and pull myself up onto the edge of the chair then, at the height of the swing, I make a grab for the window. I make it, but as I lunge for the open window my foot catches around the firehose holding the chair. I'm now holding the entire weight of the chair as well as my body. Slowly I feel my hands slipping under the stress. I kick my feet violently trying to shake myself loose of the hose, barely able to hold on, then something gives and the chair swings away. But I'm not out of trouble yet. The effort has left my arms numb and close to exhaustion. . Thats when I notice my second problem. The chair has reached the end of it's swing away from me and is about to head back. So let's get this straight. I'm about to be sideswiped by twenty five kilograms of German engineerind while hanging from a window ledge by my fingers 100 feet above hard concrete and flesh eating zombies. This is not how I expected to go out. I try desperately to find purchase with my feet against the smooth wall as the chair starts it's return swing. But it's too late, I'm not going to make it. I press myself against the wall, grit my teeth and hold on for dear life. Then, suddenly a a huddle of falling corpses slams into the chair from above, ripping it free from the firehoseand and sending it plummetting to the ground in a tangle of undead limbs, leather and metal. I'm about to start pulling myself up when I hear the sound of movement coming from beyond the open window. [[Hang on]] [[Try to drag myself up]]

I make my way along the side of the building to where the bikes and scooters are. Reaching the bike rack, I grab the closest bike, not noticing the chain securely attached to the back wheel. It rattles loudly as I pull at it, cursing my stupidity, I make for one lying on the ground which I‘m certain isn’t chained, but as I lift it I can see the wheel is buckled and it’s not going anywhere anytime soon. A half eaten cadaver in tight spandex lying nearby, twitches nervously. Looking up from my bike nicking antics I see he's not the only one who's attention I've aroused. "Shit!" The undead neighbourhood watch are stumbling slowly but deliberately towards me. I can feel the panic rising in the pit of my stomach. In desperation I grab one of the scooters. Normally, I wouldn’t be seen dead on one but given the circumstances... I press the screen on the handlebars and it beeps loudly into life. I might as well have rang a dinner bell. All the undead within a twenty meter radius have now turned their attention to me and, as if right on cue, fat traffic warden and her mates amble around the corner to join in the fun. "Well, fuckety fuck." I drag my gaze away and look down at the screen, only to see a QR code staring back at me. Shit. I feel for my phone, it's still in my pocket and it's more or less fully charged. The mobile networks are all down but I should be able to get a WiFi signal from here. [[Take the scooter]] [[Run for it]]

I start running. I'm faster than they are, but I won't be able to keep this pace up for long, I can already feel my lungs burning. But it doesn't matter, all I have to do is make it to my car. I wind my way through the first parking lot and cross the road to the next, dodging the occassional hungry corpse, I'm tired but my car is parked in the next lot. I can make it. Reaching the edge of the furthest away parking lot I stop up abruptly. In the middle of the car park, between me and my car, a group of undead have surrounded a car and are moaning hungrily and banging on the glass trying to get at whatever or whoever is indside. Fuck. Catching my breath, I steal a look over my shoulder. The undead traffic warden and the rest of my fan club aren't far behind. I slow my pace and skirt the edge of the car park as far away from the mob gathered around the car as possible. That's when I see her, my faithful car parked just where I left her, I pick up the pace, getting to the car, opeing the door and ramming the key in the ignition triumphantly. I turn the key and the starter motor whines once or twice before klunking in defeat. "Fuck" To say I'm dissapointed is an understatement but at least the noise wasn't loud enough to attract the attention of the undead who are still busy trying to get at whoever's stuck in the other car... The battery is old. I've been meaning to replace it but you know how it is. I take a breath and try again. This time I pump the accelerator trying to pump the old junker into life. "Come on, come on, come on..." There's a hopeful spark befroe the starter motor gives up again. "Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit!! I bang my head against the steering wheel in frustration, inadvertently hitting the horn with my forehead. "Ooops" I turn my head to the side as the undead in the centre of the car park do the same, a few turn their attention towards me and start shuffling away from the parked car. To make matters worse the group of Zombies who had been persuing me earlier arrive at the edge of the car park to join the growing crowd heading towards me along with any stragglers that were in the vicinity when I rang the dinner bell. "Fuck!" I slam my fist against the dashboard and turn the key one last time. Nothing. Maybe I can jump start it? [[Leave the car behind 2]] [[Try to jump start it 2]]

I sit back into my chair and consider my options. Up isn’t one of them. There’s nothing but wall above me and returning to the roof is a no-go. It was getting pretty crowded up there when I left and even if it wasn't it's a long climb back to the roof and I'm not exactly in the best of shape. Besides, in the last 72 hours I've done more than my fair share of running. I'm quite happy to just relax for a bit and take in the scenery. Only problem is, I'm not going anywhere. While I'm enjoying the fresh air I look up to see one of the undead staring straight back down at me. Fuck me, it’s Graham from accounting. He was never someone you’d describe as handsome, but missing half of his face has done nothing to improve his chances with the ladies. As our eyes lock, his limp body lurches off the rooftop in my general direction. I wasn’t really expecting this and I freeze as I watch him free falling towards me, teeth first. Snapping out of it, I shift my body in a desperate attempt to move out of the way of my half eaten former co-worker. But it’s too late. I can’t get enough momentum going. Undead hands reaching, Graham falls straight into me... And bounces straight off again, continuing down onto the unforgiving concrete below with a sickening thud. The resulting mess resembles one of those inkblots TV psychiatrists use. The kind where everything resembles a butterfly or a vagina, or a butterflies vagina. His impromptu diving display attracts the attention of a group of undead who look up to see what all the fuss is about. One of them is a rather rotund traffic warden. She bares her teeth in a hungry grimace and I get the impression she'd really like to ruin my day. Some things never change. Then I notice something else. About 15 feet away is a skip full of what appears to be cardboard boxes and bags of rubbish... II’d seen it a hundred times in movies and on TV. The Hero, leaping into a skip full of garbage only to resurface moments later, completely unscathed.How hard could it be? If I can swing the chair far enough across the building and jump at just the right moment, maybe I can make it. As I toy with the idea and strain to see whether there’s anything hard and pointy amongst the bags and boxes another flailing corpse slams into me abruptly. The firehose holds, but this time the impact knocks me spinning, backwards and away from the building.I grab desperately at the hose to prevent being tossed from the chair and as I do I hear a wrenching, ripping noise from somewhere above me. That can’t be good. I slam back into the wall, wheels first. Slowly the chair settles against the building, hose groaning, but holding. For now. I breathe out and consider trying to right myself, but think better of it. Looking up, which from my new position is pretty much unavoidable, I quickly wish I hadn’t. Graham's mates, no doubt impressed by his committment are lining up to follow his example. It’s only a matter of time before it starts raining corpses. I literally don’t have time to hang about. Experimentally, I push my feet against the building and to my surprise the ball bearing wheeled chair rolls easily against the smooth, hard surface. I push harder and, before I know it, I’m half swinging, half rolling along the side of the building. As my chair gains momentum another body free falls past me, missing me by inches. I watch it rag doll down the side of the building, narrowly missing the traffic warden. "Close but no coconut, mate." My feet lose traction as the chair slows, reaching the apex of the swing and begins the return journey, pendulum style, with me helping as best I can. Trying to build up momentum and praying the hose holds, I run, swing upwards again and as I reach the top of the swing I notice an open window above me. If I can get up enough momentum and height, maybe I can grab onto it. I slow and shift direction again as two more bodies slam into the ground below me in quick succession. As I return the hose complains loudly, the strain becoming too much. I figure I have a couple more swings at most before it gives completely. That’s if I’m not tagged by a ballistic corpse first. Whatever I’m going to do I’d better do it now. [[Skip]] [[Window]]

As I slide it gingerly from my pocket the chair shifts abruptly and I lose my grip on the slippy wrapper. I grab clumsily at the now airborne sugary treat, but I’m too slow and all I can do is watch in miffed disbelief as it falls away from me... And straight onto the head of one of the lurching undead below. The walking corpse, an undead traffic warden, turns her milky gaze upwards and groans hungrily in shared frustration. As she does the small group of undead around her cease their shambling and follow suit. "FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING FUCKS!" I feel better, despite the low growling in my stomach accompanied by the undead chorus below me. I mean, who hasn’t wanted to throw a cereal bar at a traffic warden.I sit back into my chair and consider my options. Up isn’t one of them. There’s nothing but wall above me and returning to the roof is a no-go, especially now, as my little outburst seems to have attracted quite a bit of interest. Suddenly, I feel less better. Also, why the hell didn’t we close the door to the roof behind us... While pondering this and amid the realization that I was the last one out onto the roof, I look up to see one of the undead staring straight back down at me. Fuck me, it’s Graham from accounting. He was never someone you’d describe as handsome, but missing half of his face has done nothing to improve his chances with the ladies. As our eyes lock, his limp body lurches off the rooftop in my general direction. I wasn’t really expecting this and I freeze as I watch him free falling towards me, teeth first. Snapping out of it, I shift my body in a desperate attempt to move out of the way of my half eaten former co-worker. But it’s too late. I can’t get enough momentum going. Undead hands reaching, Graham falls straight into me... And bounces straight off again, continuing down onto the unforgiving concrete below with a sickening thud. The resulting mess resembles one of those inkblots TV psychiatrists use. The kind where everything resembles a butterfly or a vagina, or a butterflies vagina. Then I notice something else. About 15 feet away is a skip full of what appears to be cardboard boxes and bags of rubbish... II’d seen it a hundred times in movies and on TV. The Hero, leaping into a skip full of garbage only to resurface moments later, completely unscathed.How hard could it be? If I can swing the chair far enough across the building and jump at just the right moment, maybe I can make it. As I toy with the idea and strain to see whether there’s anything hard and pointy amongst the bags and boxes another flailing corpse slams into me abruptly. The firehose holds, but this time the impact knocks me spinning, backwards and away from the building.I grab desperately at the hose to prevent being tossed from the chair and as I do I hear a wrenching, ripping noise from somewhere above me. That can’t be good. I slam back into the wall, wheels first. Slowly the chair settles against the building, hose groaning, but holding. For now. I breathe out and consider trying to right myself but think better of it. Looking up, which from my new position is pretty much unavoidable, I quickly wish I hadn’t. The undead diving team has locked onto me. It’s only a matter of time before it starts raining corpses. I literally don’t have time to hang about. Experimentally, I push my feet against the building and to my surprise the ball bearing wheeled chair rolls easily against the smooth, hard surface. I push harder and, before I know it, I’m half swinging, half rolling along the side of the building. As my chair gains momentum another body free falls past me, missing me by inches. I watch it rag doll down the side of the building, narrowly missing the traffic warden. "Close but no coconut, mate." My feet lose traction as the chair slows, reaching the apex of the swing and begins the return journey, pendulum style, with me helping as best I can. Trying to build up momentum and praying the hose holds, I run, swing upwards again and as I reach the top of the swing I notice an open window above me. If I can get up enough momentum and height, maybe I can grab onto it. I slow and shift direction again as two more bodies slam into the ground below me in quick succession. As I return the hose complains loudly, the strain becoming too much. I figure I have a couple more swings at most before it gives completely. That’s if I’m not tagged by a ballistic corpse first. Whatever I’m going to do I’d better do it now. [[Skip]] [[Window]]

I get my phone out and scan the QR code. The app download starts, but the WiFi is much slower outside. Fuck. I don’t have time for this. At last the app finishes downloading and I open it. "Enter your credit card information". You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I punch in my card details and agree to all the terms and conditions, but it's too late, I'm not going to make it in time. Traffic warden is almost on top of me. Lifting the heavy scooter I swing it wildly, smashing it’s heavy frame against her face sending her backwards into her mates and buying me enough time to get the scooter under my feet. I hit the blinking GO on the LCD and press down on the thumb throttle as hard as I can. Nothing happens. Then suddenly the scooter lurches forward, flying across the walkway, over grass and off the steep kerb. Throwing me head first at the tarmacced road. I scramble to my feet and press the throttle, driving straight into a group of shambling corpses crossing the road from the car park. I knock through and past grabbing undead hands and gnashing teeth and onto the open road, swerving to miss a few stragglers, feeling and most definitely looking like a complete and utter twat. The scooter accelerates smoothly and I steal a glance behind me to see the undead traffic warden struggling to her feet. I make my way through the largely deserted car park, weaving easily past the occassional group of undead until I reach the edge of the furthest away parking lot. Where I stop dead in my tracks. In the centre of the car park a large group of undead have surrounded a parked car and are trying desperately to get at whatever or whoever is inside it. I could try to draw them away from the car and give whoever's trapped in there a chance to escape. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure I can avoid the crowd by driving along the edge of the car park. [[Lead the undead away]] [[Get to my car]]

I throw the scooter to one side in disgust and start running. All my fucking around has aroused a bit of attention. As I leg it the undead shamble from seemingly every direction towards me. I'm faster than they are, but I won't be able to keep this pace up for long, I can already feel my lungs burning. But it doesn't matter, all I have to do is make it to my car. I wind my way through the first parking lot and cross the road to the next, dodging the occassional hungry corpse, I'm tired but my car is parked in the next lot. I can make it. Reaching the edge of the furthest away parking lot I stop up abruptly. In the middle of the car park, between me and my car, a group of undead have surrounded a car and are moaning hungrily and banging on the glass trying to get at whatever or whoever is indside. Fuck. Catching my breath, I steal a look over my shoulder. The undead traffic warden and the rest of my fan club aren't far behind. I slow my pace and skirt the edge of the car park as far away from the mob gathered around the car as possible. That's when I see her, my faithful car parked just where I left her, I pick up the pace, getting to the car, opeing the door and ramming the key in the ignition triumphantly. I turn the key and the starter motor whines once or twice before klunking in defeat. "Fuck" To say I'm dissapointed is an understatement but at least the noise wasn't loud enough to attract the attention of the undead who are still busy trying to get at whoever's stuck in the other car... The battery is old. I've been meaning to replace it but you know how it is. I take a breath and try again. This time I pump the accelerator trying to pump the old junker into life. "Come on, come on, come on..." There's a hopeful spark befroe the starter motor gives up again. "Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit!! I bang my head against the steering wheel in frustration, inadvertently hitting the horn with my forehead. "Ooops" I turn my head to the side as the undead in the centre of the car park do the same, a few turn their attention towards me and start shuffling away from the parked car. To make matters worse the group of Zombies who had been persuing me earlier arrive at the edge of the car park to join the growing crowd heading towards me along with any stragglers that were in the vicinity when I rang the dinner bell. "Fuck!" I slam my fist against the dashboard and turn the key one last time. Nothing. Maybe I can jump start it? [[Leave the car behind 2]] [[Try to jump start it 2]]

I thumb the throttle, stopping the scooter with a defiant sideways skid about 20 feet from the mob surrounding the car. I take a deep breath and thumb the bell on the opposite side of the handlebars. The "brring brrring" of the mechanical bell lacks the dramatic flair I was going for, but it does the job. The undead, slowly turn their attention from the parked car towards me. "That's it, come and get me you undead shitheads". I triumphantly swerve the scooter around to head back in the direction I came but quickly realise that that isn's going to be an option. My persuers have closed the gap and thanks to the racket I've been making they're not alone. It seems like every shuffling wanker in the vicinity is headed my way. "Fuck" I head for the edge of the car park where I can see there's still a decent sized gap, but as I get closer it's filled up with shambling corpses. I do an impromptu 180 amd thumb the throttle again, speeding along a rapidly decreasing corridor flanked by the undead in front and behind me. There are no more gaps, my only chance is to find a weak point and try to force my way through. I drive along the advancing front line until I find a point where the dead seem less densley packed. It's not much, but it's my only shot. I crouch down low on the scooter, thumb pressed down hard on the throttle and close my eyes as I head straight into the line of undead. I hit hard. Hands grab and teeth gnash but somehow I punch a hole through the wall of rotting flesh. As I pull myself back up a figure emerges from the previously surrounded car, limping heavily. I pull alongside him. "Get on" "What?" "Get on the scooter" "Oh, right." There's just enough rooom for the both of us. The scooter protests under the extra weight but I kick against the ground and we're moving, finally reaching my car, I throw the scooter to the ground and open the door. "Get in!" "Thank you" "Don't thank me yet" I steal a glance at the growing, undead mob, who are already shambling after us. "Don't these fuckers ever give up." I get in, put the key in the ignition and turn. The starter motor makes a half arsed wheezing noise then stops abruptly with a heavy mechanical klunk. My passenger looks across at me, renewed panic in his eyes. "It's okay, it'll start. She's been sitting a couple of days that's all" I try again, pumping the accelerator this time, all the time keeping my eye on the approaching crowd of undead who are making straight for us. "Come on!" "They're coming" The starter motor wheezes weakly and dies. "It's no use, we'll have to jump start it" "But, my leg. "Fuck" [[Leave the car behind]] [[Try to jump start it]]

I thumb the throttle gingerly and make for the far edge of the car park. Keeping as much distance between me and the undead as possible. Reaching the far side I turn and drive forward. The undead are too concerned with the poor bastard in the car to notice me and I slide by unnoticed. I continue forward then change direction and head straight for my car. I'm about to throw the scooter to the ground but think twice and roll it backwards onto it's kick stand, giving it a friendly pat. "That'll do Pig, that'll do" I leave Pig behind, unlock my car and get in, closing the door quietly behind me, enjoying the feeling of familiarity and protection for a second before putting the key in the ignition. I turn the key and the starter motor whines once or twice before klunking in defeat. "Fuck" To say I'm dissapointed is an understatement but at least the noise wasn't loud enough to attract the attention of the undead who are still busy trying to get at whoever's stuck in the other car... The battery is old. I've been meaning to replace it but you know how it is. I take a breath and try again. This time I pump the accelerator trying to pump the old junker into life. "Come on, come on, come on..." There's a hopeful spark befroe the starter motor gives up again. "Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit!! I bang my head against the steering wheel in frustration, inadvertently hitting the horn with my forehead. "Ooops" I turn my head to the side as the undead in the centre of the car park do the same, a few turn their attention towards me and start shuffling away from the parked car. To make matters worse the group of Zombies who had been persuing me earlier arrive at the edge of the car park to join the growing crowd heading towards me along with any stragglers that were in the vicinity when I rang the dinner bell. "Fuck!" I slam my fist against the dashboard and turn the key one last time. Nothing. Maybe I can jump start it? [[Leave the car behind 2]] [[Try to jump start it 2]]

I get out of the car and run to the discarded scooter. "Come on, we can't stay here" He just shakes his head. I move to the side of the car and wrench open the passenger door, but the man pulls it shut again. "What the fuck are you doing? We have to get out of here" "I can't" He locks the car door from the inside. I look at him incredulously. "If you stay here, you'll die!" He just shakes his head. I look around for something to smash the window. The scooter would work. [[Leave him]] [[Smash the window and get him out of there]]

"Okay, you drive, I'll push" I jump out of the car and my passanger slides across into the drivinhg seat. I get to the back of the car and start pushing. "Handbrake!" For fuck's sake. Back against my car I can see the undead closing the gap. I dig deep and push hard against the tarmac as I feel the car starting to roll. "Okay put it in second and hit the accelerator when I say" Come on, just a little more speed. My legs are aching but I give a final adrenalin fueled push then turn and slam the roof of the car with my fist. "Now!" The car splutters then roars into life. "Yes, you fucking dancer, yes!" And disssapears into the distance. "Hey, hey! Where the fuck are you going? Hey, wait, what about me. Cunt." I turn to see the undead mob almost upon me. On the ground, not far away lies the scooter. "You've got to be fucking kidding me." I grab it and jump on pressing hard on the throttle. You can't trusty fucking anybody these days. I head away from the pursuing mob out of the car park, onto the road and out of dodge as I do I hear a low beeping noise coming from the scooter. I look own to see the words "LOW BATT" staring back at me. That can't be good.

It's no use. Getting out of the car, slamming the door and cursing myself for being such a tight bastard I go around to where "Pig" is standing and roll her forward off her stand. "Looks like it's just you and me again" The undead, attracted by all the noise are closing in on me. It's time to get the hell out of dodge while I still can. I get on the scooter and head towards the exit, leaving my undead fanclub behind. As I leave the car park I hear a low, repetetive beeping and look down to see the words "LOW BATT" staring back at me. "You have got to be fucking shitting me".

I pull off the handbrake, open the door and get out, bracing shoulder against the doorframe and pushing as hard as I can. The car barely moves. I readjust my stance and push with everything I have, there's movement but it's not enough... I move to the back of the car and push hard against the tarmac with both feet, I can feel the car starting to roll... "Yes!, Come on" I push once more and the car gathers speed... Too much speed, I run alongside but the door slams shut and I can't get it open. To make matters worse we're rolling straight for the undead. "No, no, no!" The car takes off without me and I fall to my knees on the pavement in despair. Pushing myslef back to my feet I do the only thing I can and run for the scooter as I get on and roll it foward I look up to see two things, a figure limping away from the car that was surrounded by the dead just a few miutes ago and my car smashing into the oncoming army of undead. Just before I thumb the throttle I see it hit the traffic warden at speed. I smile in spite of my predicament and head away from the pursuing mob out of the car park, onto the road and out of dodge. As I do a low beeping noise comes from the scooter. The letters LOW BATT staring up at me. That can't be good.

If he want's to stay here, that's on him. He probably won't get far on that leg anyway and the scooter won't get far with both of us on it. I guess he's no worse off than when I found him. The poor bastard. Besides maybe I can lead the undead away again. "There's some water in the glove compartment" He nods back at me, unmoving. "I'll try to lead them away" I pick up the abandoned scooter and move away from the car, ringing the bell to draw the attention of the mob. There must be a hundred of them now. I wait as long as I dare and with a final nod to the new owner of my car I swing around towards the exit with the undead follwing. As I leave the car park I hear a low, repetetive beeping and look down to see the words "LOW BATT" staring back at me. "You have got to be fucking kidding me".

"I'm not leaving you!" I lift the scooter and swing it at the window, smashing it. I wrench open the door and grab at the man but he fights back, hitting me square on in the chest with his good leg and sending me backwards into the scooter and down my head slamming against the concrete. Everything is spinning. I hear shouting coming from what seems like far away and shuffling moaning sounds. I flip myself over onto my hands and knees, twisting my head to see the first of the undead closing in on me. "Come on... come on, get up" I push hard into the ground, dragging myself up first onto one foot, then the other until I'standing shakily my world still spinning. I reach down uneasily and somehow my hand finds the scooter at my feet. The dead are almost on top of me now. Shaking my head I gingerly step onto the scooter and pres the throttle, holding onto the handlebars with all my strength. I swerve uneasily towards the car park exit and away from the undead. I'm aware of two things as I leave the carpark, one isa low beeping coming from the scooter. The other are the screams of someone being eaten alive.

Something or someone is moving towards the open window. I close my eyes and when I open them an undead corpse is standing over me looking out the window. He hasn't spotted me, but the fucker just stands there as if he's checking the weather.. Meanwhile I can feel my arms going numb. After what seems like an age the figure shuffles off into the darkness. My mind racing, I examine the window. On each side of the solid frame is a substantial looking metal latch.... If only I had a rope or something... the closest I have is my belt, which is currently holding my trousers up. [[Try to drag myself up]] [[Or maybe I can use my belt]]

I don't have time to hang about, I start to pull myself up. Resting an arm on the ledge and trying to find some traction with my feet against the wall. I'm half way inside when I see a figure step forward out of the shadows. The creature looks at me with undead eye's and snarls as it lurches forward out of the darkness. The sight sends me reeling backwards and I lose puchase with my feet and start falling backwards out of the window. I grab at the window ledge and am hanging there when the zombie reaches the window and leans over, grabbing my arm and leaning out of the window to get to my flesh. His strength surprises me and in an effort to get away I pull my hand from the window. As I do I pull the zombie off balance and he lurches out of the window, still holding onto my arm. Then we're faling. A tangle of grabbing hands and snapping teeth. We fall the 30 feet to the ground and hit. Through sheer we land, zombie first on a pile of broken undead corpses. I'm stunned and aching but to my surprise I'm not dead. Not yet anyway. About 10 feet away a group of undead lead by fat traffic warden are shuffling towards me looking to rectify that. I push myself up unsteadily and clamber uneasily down my undead pile. As I do I spot something on the ground beside me. It's my cereal bar. I lean over and pick it up and stagger slowly away from my persuers. It's only a matter of time before I'm taken down, I have to get out pf here. I head around the back of the building, it's relatively free of the undead, I try a door at the back but it's locked so I continue around the building with my undead fan club in hot persuit until I come almost full circle. I lean heavily against the corner of the building. Across the road is the car park. My car is parked a couple of lots away, about as far from where I am as it’s possible to be. What can I say, I'm not a morning person. I pat my pocket feeling for my keys and find them still there along with my mobile phone. There are a few dozen undead milling about the parked cars. Close to the building entrance stand a couple of bicycles and a few abandoned e-scooters the kind that had recently infested the city and were used solely, it seemed to me, by sock-less, scarf wearing hipsters. If I grab a bike I can get to my car faster, Or I can take my chances on foot. [[Try for a bike]] [[Or maybe I should keep sneaking around on foot]]

I let go with one hand, reach down and unbuckle my belt, removing it with a sharp tug. Ignoring the fact that my trousers are now around my ankles I swing the buckled end of the belt up and over the window latch then feed the loose end through the buckle. All the time I can feel my grip on the window ledge weakening. This had better work. Finally I pull the belt tight and wrap the thick leather around my wrist a couple of times and as I do my other arm finally gives out and I drop. But only the length of the belt. I look up and the solid metal latch seems to be holding. I drop my aching my free arm and feel the blood rush back into it. Ignoring how ridiculous I must look, I hang there. When I'm as sure as I can be that the coast is clear I reach back up to the window and with the help of the belt, start to pull myself up. Resting an arm on the ledge and find some traction with my feet against the wall I pull myself up and over the window, crashing to the floor inside. As I land heavily a figure at the opposite end of the room turns and steps forward from the shadows, looking at me with hungry eye's it moans and begins towards me. As I move away I'm jerked back to the window. The belt. "Shit!" I pull at the tightly wrapped belt as the zombie bears down on me, but I'm out of time, there's nowhere else to go. I sit down against the wall with my trousers around my ankles. Out of ideas and too tired to fight it off. As the zombie advances it stumbles on my trousers which are extended between my outstretched legs. and falls forward it's upper body slamming into the window above me. I grab it's legs and push up and over with all the strength I have left and the rotting corpse dissappears out the open window. Breathing heavily I collapse against the wall, belt in hand and trousers round my ankles. All that's missing is a bag of samtsumas. I free myself from the belt but my trousers are ripped and useless. I empty the pokets and cast them aside. That's just great. I'm in a small office, somewhere on the third floor. I take a qiuck look around but there's nothing useful here. I should keep moving, I need to get to my car. Opening the door gingerly I peer out, glancing left and right. A hastil constructed barricade blocks the corridor in one direction, in the other there's a lift and a door marked "STAIRS". The lift would take me all the way to the ground floor in less than a minute, or I could take the stairs. [[I Take the lift]] [[I Decide to use the stairs]]

I walk along the corridor to the lift, reassuringly, the call button is smeared in dry blood, I press it with the sleeve of my jacket before retreating to a safe distance. The lift arrives with a loud "bing" and the door slides open. I look around nervously, making sure I'm the only one who's heard it. An incandescent light blinks intermittently coming from the dimly lit elevator. Not creepy at all. I edge closer until I'm standing at the threshhold. The entire elevator is caked in blood and miscellaneous visceral gore from floor to roof. The stench of death is almost unbearable. [[Fuck that, I'm taking the stairs->I Decide to use the stairs]] [[What could possibly go wrong]]

I open the door marked "STAIRS" and head down the dimly lit stairwell. The stairs seem deserted but I tread quietly. I'm not takling any chances. The second floor door is locked. I continue down to the first floor. The door is unlocked. [[Open the door]] [[Continue down]]

I step gingerly into the lift, trying my best to avoid the worst of the gore. I start wondering what happened here and then think better of it. I press the button marked G for ground floor and the elevator doors slide shut. The elevator beging it's downward journey, music playing as if the world hadn't ended then with a loud bing I arrive. The door opens and before its even half way open I'm punching the close door button. The entire ground floor is a mosh pit of undead. As one they turn and start shuffling towards me. I'm going to make it. Just as the doors are closing an undead arm finds it way into the elevator and the doors open again. I push against the invader but the floor is slick with blood and I lose my footing. I scramble to my feet again and charge at the zombie in the process falling out of the elevator and on top of him. The elevator door slides closed behind me. Without looking I reach behind me and hit the call button. There's a fire extuinguisher hanging on a bracket next to the elevator. I grab it and smash it down base first on my attacker and his head pops like a ripe watermelon but there are two many of them. As the elevator door slides open behind me I pull the safety pin on the extinguisher and start spraying foam on the advancing Zombies, it seems to confuse them and the ones closest slip and slide on the foam as I retreat into the elevator. I hit the close button and back away from the door, extuinguisher raised. Frozen to the spot. Then I punch the 4th floor button and let the elevator carry me back upstairs. Extinguisher at the ready the elevator "bings" cheerfully and I collapse out of it. On second thoughts, I think I'll [[take the stairs->I Decide to use the stairs]]

Discard

Wire and a clothes hanger?

I take the gun but hes a zombie

The Garage.

I turn the handle on the door noisily a few times then rest my er against the cold wooden surface, listening hard. Nothing... I push the door inward and peer into a llarge office wing. The layout is mostly open plan with a few isolated offices dotted along opposing walls down it's length It seems deserted. I close the door behind me and step gingerly forward. "Hello?" Thankfully nobody (and more importantly no thing replies to my halfhearted greeting. I venture further. The open plan space is flanked by offices on ether. Probably where the Rodney's sit. Besides an overturned chair the whole place seems eerily normal. I walk on, glancing left and right as I do, checking the offices for movement. Then I see it... at the end of the building sits a vending machine. Suddenly I'm acutely aware that it's been too long since I ate or drank anything and I figure the world owes me a cereal bar. I pick up the pace striding confidently towards my goal in my tighty whitey's. I get about half way then stop dead in my tracks, dropping down behind a nearby desk. A half dozen or so undead are huddled into a large windowed office pressed up against a window looking down onto the street below. They haven't heard me, but all that's between me and them is an open door. [[Sneak up to the door and close it]] [[Continue to the vending machine]]

Staying low I move forward until I'm standing before the vending machine. It's empty save for some sports drinks and a solitary cereal bar. It's not much but I need to keep my strength up. Besides I figure the world owe's me a cereal bar. [[Use my credit card]] [[Smash the glass and take whatever I want]]

Crouching low I retrace my steps, crossing to the right side of the office where the zombie board meeting is in full swing. Ducking below the window I crawl on my hands and knees to the open door and stealing aglance to make sure the zombies are still fized on whatever is ging on on the street below I gingerly start to close the door. I half expect a squeky hinge to give me away at any second but mercifully the door swings effortlessly towards the door frame. Until it closes with an almost inaudible click. Almost. Immediately I hear motion from within the room. I freeze sitting on the floor with my back against the door, not daring to breathe. Stealing a glance to my left I can see an undead office worker staring straihgt ahead out into the office. He stands there, slobbering against the glass for what seems like an eternity before shuffling off again. I get back on my hands and knees and crawl away.

I retrieve my credit card out and swipe it against the reader. The machine beeps lowly and the message "CARD DECLINED" flashes across the display. Fuck. You have to be kidding me. I grab the machine and let my head rest against the glass, inches from the cereal bar. It doesn't look like it would take much to dislodge it. [[Shake the machine]] [[Forget it]]

I pick up a nearby office chair and hit the glass fronted vending machine. the safety glass explodes into tiny jewel like fragments around me. I snatch a few sugary treats into my pockets congratulating myself on a job well done. I'm about to unwrap one of the sugary treats when I hear a crashing noise behind me. The noise has worked the office dwelling zombie into a frenzy and one of them has just head banged his way to freedom.

I grab either side of the machine and shake it. Nothing happens. I grab hold tighter and shake it. Hard. "Come on" The cereal bar drops into the retreaval tray... Just as an impressively loud, high pitched alarm blairs out from the machine. I hear a dull moaning behind me and turn to see an undead management team shuffling towards me. It doesn't look like their happy with my performance. I pocket the cereal bar and pick up a nearby keyboard to protect myself. I throw it and it travels the length of the usb cable attaching it to a nearby PC before falling to the ground. "Fuck" I go high, jumping onto a a large oval meeting board. They're getting closer. Think, Dave, think. What kind of funbag still uses wired keyboards and jump up onto tghe nearset desk, running and jumping f [[Jump to the next table]]